Tonight ive had ENOUGH

Tonight Im not myself, in fact I feel quite sick, but not due to any illness Ive been plagued with recently, more due to an event that happened today. Some of you may remember a year ago nearly exactly that I was involved in a strange road accident in which a man got knocked over by not me but an oncoming vehicle. This Summer he has started a claim for damages against my insurance company, this is on going.
   Anyway as the same journey was required this week again we decided to hire a man with a proper wagon to move the sheep, so much safer,  or so I thought. I was happy not to be driving whilst towing a heavy load. Problem sorted then ? Er, no as the driver pulled out in front of a van doing 70mph on a dual carriage way. He just didn't see it coming. Luckily the van whizzed past only inches in front of the wagon. I was not in the wagon but my Dad was and he got home rattled and said it was the closest thing to death he had ever experienced !
   So tonight Im wondering just how taking action and doing things right and learning from past mistakes has led to this potential catastrophe? There is no way out. There are no certainty's. Living safely is not enough. Somethings wrong here.
   The road is called the A66 and has a deadly reputation. I have wondered in the past if this road is somehow cursed. Google it, death is its middle name. In fact a young man died on there that I used to know, he was driving a tractor and was hit by a lorry. Sorry but I feel depressed tonight and out of faith in anything, after all who knows how long any of us has got ?


Do you know how demoralising it is to plan and take action to avoid trouble only to have it potentially occur on a larger scale ? Its a feeling that's hard to describe, kind of like when you were little and someone told you Santa doesnt exist. Disappointment, so much disapointment that nothing can be done. So what happens now ? Carry on crossing my fingers ? Fuck, this is what lifes really all about isn't it ? Nothing more....  This is a pivotal moment for me.